Dear my younger self,
I wanted to share a few things about what is to come. It is a story of heartbreak, immense love, loss, happiness and most importantly hope. It isn’t a clean cut story with a definitive happy ending. But I know one thing and that is that your bad days are exactly that, bad days. Wake up every morning with a fresh perspective – I know it’s hard when you’re as stubborn and set in your ways as me and you.
Enjoy every moment – the happy and the sad as they shape you into me. Grasp the precious times filled with genuine, pure love. You may feel like you have drawn the short straw in life but it shapes you into an independent, strong, driven young women. You will see the good, the bad and the ugly in this life but it is down to you on how you move on from it. People will say vile things that no one sane would ever dream to say. But, darling, that is them, not you. Words do hurt but you’re made of tougher things, you got this.
You are already so strong, keep building on this because once you’re confident in yourself you can do anything. The anxiety and depression will come and go but talking is the best therapy. Stop skipping those counselling sessions and putting off picking up your prescription. They’re there to help you, but you have to help yourself too. Antidepressants are NOTHING to be ashamed of, we still take them now boo. Big up the citalopram. They work wonders, you just watch (disclaimer: antidepressants are prescribed from your GP on a case by case basis, I am not saying they work for everyone but they have for me). They do not make you any less of a human than the girl next to you. If ANYONE has a problem with it, especially a partner to be or a friend, cut them out of your life. You are only making it harder, you may not see it but surround yourself with loving people and see the change.
A problem shared is a problem halved. You have never had a problem with communication and building relationships so use it to your advantage. If you need some time out, take a step back and BREATHE. What is to come will drag you down, bring you back up and mould you into me. Never lose the love within your heart.
Always love and maybe a few tears,
Your older self