Dear Old Friends,
Years may have passed since we last spoke or perhaps it is a recent occurrence, or maybe we never ‘stopped being friends’ but simply took different pathways. I often think about how you’re doing and where life has taken you. I also think about what could have been different and what life lessons I have learnt since then. Perhaps, if we were friends with the people we are today we would be old girls together in 50 years time.
I have learnt you cannot make someone stay in your life if they do not wish to and vise versa. I have made mistakes and wronged people, as people have wronged me. Nobody is perfect and life is a journey of learning and bettering yourself. Now, building on this, if I have wronged you, whether it be 5 years ago or a month ago, I apologise. And, if you have wronged me I have forgiven.
As a child I heavily relied on my happiness from others. I have only recently in the last few years understood that happiness is an inside job. You will never be truly happy if you are searching for it in others. You will also never be truly happy if you spend your time trying to fix others. But rather, time should be spent on fixing yourself.
I understand as young people, we are still growing and developing mentally until we are at least 21. I refuse to bias my thoughts on you or myself based on decisions that were made as a naive teenager.
I would like to thank you all for the wonderful memories and the never ending laughter that you blessed me with, whether it was for a few days or years. Laughter is the best medicine and I certainly have never been short of it.
I have been so lucky to be surrounded by such loving people at my lowest and at my highest. I can hands up say at my lowest I was a nasty person and not at all fun to be around. For some this was, rightfully, enough to walk away. I am sorry. People respond to different events in their own unique way and unfortunately mine was a spiral of anger, sadness and selfishness. I can confidently say I am not this person today. I would never expect someone to love me when, at that point I didn’t love myself.
I have learnt we do not live to argue, we live to love. Some people are not compatible in the sense of romantic partners and also friendships and that too is okay. I have learnt to walk away from negative situations. I have learnt to accept when I am wrong. I have learnt to support others when they need me but also understand when to back off.
So, to all my old friends, thank you. All of these learning stepping stones I have crossed over the years were due to experiences from you. I believe once you love someone that care and affection is there forever. We may not be friends now but I promise you if you needed me I would be there, even if we hadn’t spoken in years and years. You may be an old friend but you are still a friend.
I may have been negative, selfish and unpleasant but now I am caring, loving and always willing to help.