Hi my honeyssss,
I have been thinking for a while about what I am going to write in my next post as my last one was so positive and I was in such a good place. However I want to be honest and real with you about my journey. I have been so quiet for the last few months as I needed some time away to work on myself and give myself the attention I needed. I cannot stress the importance of self love.
I have learnt a lot about myself recently, including the fact I feel I have a lot more grieving to do than what I thought. This time of year is hard for anyone who has lost someone. It is the building up to the Christmas period. I find it such a weird time of year as it is also my mums birthday. However, feeling up and down is okay and you just need to allow yourself to feel, whether that be good or bad. Healing is not linear. It is not a one way street. For the rest of my life there will be ups, downs, bumps and everything in between.
I have basically gone against my own advice recently and started to isolate myself, however I am so lucky that I have people that care for me that won’t allow me to cut myself off. One of my best friends would literally turn up at my door and make sure I was okay. I would be in the bath and she’d walk in and make me go out for lunch. Get some air. It would honestly make me feel so much better, so much more with it.
I have had times where I have thought, maybe going back on my tablets would fix everything. But I know that isn’t the case. I cannot rely on little white pills for my happiness. The feeling of happiness comes from within and you need to be brave enough to take the stand and take control of your own happiness. I am not going to sit here and tell you I am perfect because, as you can all see I am facing my own troubles every day. However, I will tell you this, I will be okay. We will all be okay.
Surround yourself with those that love you. Reach out to people. Build bridges. It works wonders. Don’t let minor, day to day arguments/issues ruin the change of friendship that will allow you to support and love eachother.
Although my feelings are normal for those of someone who is grieving I refuse to let it define me. I refuse to let it over come me. I will be okay. I will be happy. And so will you.