So… today has been a bad day for me. Just one of those days you wake up and think wow I’m actually not okay. When the focus isn’t there with anything. Welling up, close to tears at anything and everything. I have been overthinking e v e r y t h i n g. Worried about what is going to happen next. Meaning the next five minutes, next week, next year. All I’ve been thinking all day is how I can’t wait to get home and go to sleep. I guess when you’re sleeping you can’t be upset/overthink right?
Well no. I’ve decided to tell myself to get abit of a grip. I’m currently on the train, going to go home and get myself to the gym. I’m gonna give this “healthy body healthy mind” thing a go.
I felt like today was going to be one big drag and waste but I have done lots of minor things that have made this day a productive one rather than letting myself fall further and further into miserableness.
I have got up, got showered and gone to work during the rush hour – something that used to make me feel so anxious I’d get light headed constantly. I have completed a days work. I am going to go home and see my amazing family and get my bum to the gym to whatever class is on. I am taking control. I am not letting myself relapse.
Bad days happen. Monday’s happen. The future isn’t something I can control no matter how much I think about it. I cannot feel sorry for myself every time I wake up in a shitty mood. I cannot let my happiness rely upon others. I have turned this bad day into a positive one by simply fighting back against my own mind.
I honestly think that is the hardest part but once you take the reigns and say “No More, Stop It” you feel 100 times better. It doesn’t mean that your emotions go away but it’s learning to accept and think “okay that’s how I feel but how am I going to turn this into a positive?”
I always give advice to anyone who needs me but I struggle to take my own advice. I’m working on it. Today is the first day and from now I am going to try so hard to stick to this mentality. Let’s see how long this lasts! Hopefully it will become second nature to me as time goes on. But maybe it won’t and it’ll be something I have to enforce upon myself each day. But if it means I am acknowledging the small but positive things I am doing each day that doesn’t make my existence a waste I’ll do it. I will be happy – by force or not.