It’s been a while since my last post so i thought I’d just touch base. I have been pretty up and down over the last few weeks. There’s been no real reason for this but I’ve had a hectic few months and generally I think things become to get a little overwhelming for me. I have felt very lonely and low generally and rather than this feeling coming and going it has been constant.
Due to this, I made the decision to go and see my doctor and talk about this as I didn’t feel myself 100%. In basic terms I’d say I only felt about 60% Sophie. I am fully aware I cannot be 100% all of the time and I tried pushing through the wall I felt I had hit however there was certain emotions I was feeling for a significant period of time before deciding the best course of action was to see my doctor.
My doctor is so lovely and we spoke about all available options since I recently finished my counselling sessions. This wasn’t a decision I made, my course came to an end and I was unable to arrange for more sessions.
First of all me and my doctor spoke about me going back on Citlapram, the antidepressants I have spoken about previously which I was on for nearing 3 and a half years. However they made me gain a little weight when I was on them and since I am feeling considerably self conscious about the way I look at the moment we decided that perhaps this wouldn’t be helpful.
We then went on to speak about sertraline, which I have heard a lot about from a few of my friends who have taken them and swear by them. I finally thought we were getting somewhere, she said they work pretty quickly, are the most “popular” ones for doctors at the moment as they do not bring on weight gain or most side effects and I thought fab I’ll give those a try.
So the next day I picked up my prescription on my way into work and really mentally prepared myself to start taking antidepressants again. For me this was a really big step as I felt in some way like I was relapsing or admitting defeat by taking them again, this was purely because of my state of mind at the time. I always make it so clear that reaching out for help is not a bad thing and it’s ok not to be ok however when the tables turn sometimes it’s hard to see the light and think logically.
After taking the first tablet in the morning as advised by my doctor, I started to feel a little sick and just kept on drinking water to keep this at bay, I also kept getting the urge to physically throw up and after a few hours I did. From this point onwards for the next 4 days I did not have an appetite at all. I began feeling ridiculously dizzy and the only way I can describe how I felt was how I imagine morning sickness to be. I was getting whiffs of peoples food and it was making me heave. I only took 2 of the tablets and by the second day I had severe pins and needles from my toes to my hips, it was so uncomfortable I contacted my doctor and explained the symptoms I was having. I was advised to stop taking them immediately as they wasn’t agreeing with my body.
She then recommended other tablets but for now I don’t feel comfortable taking tablets after feeling that unwell. I am currently just taking a natural remedy of evening primrose oil tablets. I am also using an app called the Sanity and Self which is podcasts on self care, self help and self love.
Perhaps I will need to go back onto medical antidepressants or perhaps this will pass but either way I know better days are coming and I have faith that things will get better to me, or I may bloody lose my mind!
I hope you get some sense of normality from my blog post and see that it is not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes there is a storm and there is no escaping it how hard you try.
I really love hearing from you all via social media and the get in touch page so if you would like to touch base with me and have some chats please do not hesitate to message me!
Don’t forget to tune in to BBC Essex Radio at 7pm on Wednesday 11th September to hear me chatting about all things mental health, girl talk and blogging.